In the Mood for LOVE ( I use to.....)

I used to smile like an angel
I used to walk like I have nothing to hide
I used to love like I was never been hurt
I used to ride buses, & count the flowers on the ground
I used to light up the candles & kiss him on the face

I used to make love to him like an angel
I used to punch him on the face like a mean girl
I used to cry,
I used to laugh,
now all the old days are all gone
& I am all alone....

I don't have friends, & I don't have Mr. Right.
I sighed alone in the dark like a child lost her sight

I used to write I used to paint
I used to be a movie star
I used to dance like Britney Spears.
now all the old days are all gone
im all alone


I yelled his name
I pointed the finger to the west
yes, I was looking for a voice
I was looking for his face
I was looking for his past
I was looking for my own tears

I used to be like a little girl
I used to pick up the flowers on the ground
now I'm old,
Im too old to live too young to die
im living on the edge of my life

I know no one would save me
cause everyone is in the same boat
I feel so helpless I feel so hopeless
I don't have any choice

I used to cook I used to eat
I used to dance on the beach
I used to be a queen in my own sense

I used to wear pretty cloths
I used to wear jewelries
now the old days are all gone
I look dirty & skinny
my mom told me I'm dying....

I lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks
I looked at the mirror & could not recognize myself

I used to have a dream I used to be so positive & wanted to conquer
the whole world now I'm sitting outside of the target
like a bum, like an outsider, like the last person on earth who lost the heart

I feel so lonely I want to cry but I can't
I have no tears.

Yes,
I used to cry, I used to laugh....like a baby
now I'm numb like a rock I wish my day is not far

I used to cook him scramble eggs
I used to make his bed

I used to water his flowers
I used to kiss him on the face

I used to buy him flowers & chocolates
I used to be happy, painfully
now all the old days are all gone, I can finally relax

I can go back to China
the place i am original from

I can wash my face & feet
take a bow
make a pray

I would say : God, please do not send me back to America......

God smiled at me & grinned, he said " Little girl, you have no idea what u r talking about..this is your destiny & you have to follow it...."

so I had no choice,
I came back again

I came back like a bum...
the movie star's dream was sent to the trash....

I felt like a queen
I lived like a bum

my own self-esteem hurt me so bad I did not even want to live

I met this guy called G.V. he said " poor girl you are truly a bitch..."

I thought he was joking, but he wasn't...

he gave me the finger & punched me in the face...
there was blood came from my nose...

I cried, first time like an adult....

he was the one I was married, he was the one I cheated.....

but u know he cheated on me first...all I did was revenge......

I don't believe nothing I don't believe nobody

human stain will never go away...

Now I just live in my own world, half dead half alive you tell me

life is not easy.....I don't complain....it is what it is,

no matter I like it or not, I have to accept it.....