I can't believe how much weight I lost... maybe 20 pounds...I can't see my old pics, they make me sad............
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
An old pic
I can't believe how much weight I lost... maybe 20 pounds...I can't see my old pics, they make me sad............
Monday, September 24, 2007
A Letter to DAVID LYNCH
To DAVID LYNCH
Dear David:
I'm an actress/writer/artist from China.
I MUST work with you. I MUST release the dark side of myself. I have some ideas about a film. It's always struck in my head, and I can't get ride of it. Those images are vivid, clear, lucid, also dark, dangerous, disturbing, but filled with infinite energy...they are beautiful in an eternal way....
I've always wanted to express myself by acting, in the past few years, the DEEP INSIDE of this source stirred me in the most profound way...and I know acting is the ONLY way for me to release that kind of energy, I call it Passion, Living…Construction, destruction, and Creativity.
I am a natural born actress. I act by my instinct. I want to use body language to express my feelings, emotions and vision, including using the darkest to show the brightest. A lot of people say your films are dark. I don’t think so. ONLY someone understands the light can write about the dark. Only passion can discover the mystery of all living. Without darkness, the light does not exist, just like life is favored by death. Only a passionate person can understand the two faces of a coin. And Your darkness is the light, it shines right through my eye…
It’s funny how people think negativity in art is the negativity of the artist. They are two different things. Everything is from LOVE. We express ourselves from the source of LOVE, the love for life, the love for LOVE, the LOVE for something eternal. That’s why we create. All we do is to express by our own emotion, feelings, and vision to show the world we live in. So everything is personal. Everything is subjective. The world ONLY exists in our own dreams. The world lies within.
The art that artists create is the source of happiness. And I must fulfill my destiny, which is to work with you, to create something eternal, to create a world never existed before, to stir, to awake, to influence, and to make them think, feel, and want to discover more about themselves.
Anyhow, this is a journey filled with creativity and adventure. I’m very excited to work with you. The artists who can show the darkness of human conditions actually are the most spiritual people. The spirit resides in every element of life, it’s in everything and everyone. It’s the source of the universe.
I write novles/potery. I also draw. I am a published author in China. I have six books published, including three novels. ( Each film of yours is poetry. Like you said, the intuition makes them a whole. You speak your voice by the art of cinema, I speak from my words, hopefully my face too someday.) Anyhow, when I was a teenager, I started writing those dark beautiful dangerous novels.
I MUST BE TRUE to myself. And I am always being true to myself. I can betray my own country, but I can betray my own heart, it’s there, it’s vivid, it’s beating, it’s bleeding, it’s breathing, it’s singing, it’s expressing, it’s longing, it’s dreaming, like my own SOUL, it never LEAVES me.
I have the GREAT desire to act, to express. It’s there. The emotion is there, it will come out when it’s time to come out. Great sensitivity and intuition makes me a great actress. You don’t learn to Act, and you don’t even need to act…You just BE, whatever it is. You are creating, you are also LIVING. It’s great to live a thousand times in cinema, I mean performing different roles is A WILD dream, now it’s finally coming true.
I have so many emotions, I have 1000 faces, I MUST find the right way to let it go, and I know you are the right filmmaker to work with. I moved to Hollywood from China to pursue my acting career, and I must work with you. I know you will understand where I'm coming from, YOU will understand my pain, and my happiness too.
You said Vincent Van Gogh would be a much better artist if he was not restricted by his suffering. I absolutely agree with you. Painting provided him the way to find his own happiness, which he found himself. You don’t have to suffer to show the suffering.
I write, I draw, I dance, I JUST BE. Sometime I want to try painting, sometime, I want to use colors to express, sometime when I was sitting in a corner of a street, such as a bus station, I had this vision about the diminished blue-yellow, actually greenish yellow sitting right in front of me, in a sunny afternoon, or hanging in a cloudy sky. The buses are passing by, and all the cars, I was sitting in the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica, alone, and this greenish yellow gives me comfort and, yes, strength. I see a shining face looking at me down to my knee, and I realized it is YOU. I realized how profound it is, so I cry, and those Mercedes passing me by…with ironic eye.
I don’t have to show my pain in a stupid way, but I do have the pain. When I see the yellow sun diminished in the water-green color which would fit my whole Canvas, I’m satisfied, satisfied like my own KING.
So when I sit in the corner of Sunset and Santa Monica in a lucid Sunday afternoon, I think about the sun with the subtle yellowish green hanging over the afternoon sky, diminished, and I’m satisfied.
Anyhow, I am just like you, trying to express myself in different ways. By the way, I love your art work too, your paintings and your drawings. I’m
amazed what a fine artist you are. BE true to yourself, that’s what ALL it is.
Now I want to expand my horizon so I can explore how far down the rabbit hole I can go. That’s why I moved to Hollywood from China to act. I must follow my heart, and create whatever my heart desires. And your PURITY about art-making moved me. In this modern world, NOT many TRUE artists left.
That’s the whole reason why I’m here. You are the ONLY one in Hollywood I want to work with, so what the hell, I might as well introduce myself. The connection is there, if you believe in something 100%, it is YOURS.
And I what to express myself in acting: whatever inside of me: The anxiety, the fear, the fragility as a human being to exist in this modern world, yes, the complexity of a human being.....The mystery, the dream, the surreal reality, you name it, I don’t know, all I know is nothing is impossible, in a free world of imagination, there is no limitation.
It's not easy to live as a human, but the creativity gives us the chance to explore, to make something larger and meaningful, and the question is: how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go.
I MUST work with you. I have no choice. To not to waste my wild passion and talent, I MUST work with you. I feel deeply connected with YOU.
If you do not want to take me as a stranger, I'm a friend of Mark Savage. He worked on the distribution of your latest film: INLAND EMPIRE.
I also went to your speech two years ago at USC about consciousness and creativity.
I am a meditator myself. Yes, ideas flow when you are in tuned with this universe, when you're in BLISS. The infinite creativity just resides inside of me, and you are the ONE going to be the bridge, and you will provide the right outlet for me, so I can live my life at its best in the most creative way. So I can fulfill my dreams and my own destiny.
I understand the suffering, but I am NOT suffering myself. The deep peace and love inside of me provides me the infinite sea so I can just dive right in. That’s my source, and it never left me, it’s always INSIDE of me.
I can’t wait to show you some of my drawings. I think you would like it.
I’ve also read your book, “Catching the Big Fish.” And I loved every word of it.
David, You are Not only A PURE Artist, but also a Pure BEING. I look forward to working with you. Let’s sit down and talk.
LOVE, PEACE
Niki Yan
323-464-0418
NikiYan@sbcglobal.net
"There is NO way to happiness. Happiness is the WAY."
"In the perception of the smallest is the secret of clear vision; in the guarding of the weakest is the secret of all strength."
-- Lao Tzu
( I called David's agency, which is CAA ( Creative Artists Agency), they told me to send the letter by MAIL, so I did.)
Dear David:
I'm an actress/writer/artist from China.
I MUST work with you. I MUST release the dark side of myself. I have some ideas about a film. It's always struck in my head, and I can't get ride of it. Those images are vivid, clear, lucid, also dark, dangerous, disturbing, but filled with infinite energy...they are beautiful in an eternal way....
I've always wanted to express myself by acting, in the past few years, the DEEP INSIDE of this source stirred me in the most profound way...and I know acting is the ONLY way for me to release that kind of energy, I call it Passion, Living…Construction, destruction, and Creativity.
I am a natural born actress. I act by my instinct. I want to use body language to express my feelings, emotions and vision, including using the darkest to show the brightest. A lot of people say your films are dark. I don’t think so. ONLY someone understands the light can write about the dark. Only passion can discover the mystery of all living. Without darkness, the light does not exist, just like life is favored by death. Only a passionate person can understand the two faces of a coin. And Your darkness is the light, it shines right through my eye…
It’s funny how people think negativity in art is the negativity of the artist. They are two different things. Everything is from LOVE. We express ourselves from the source of LOVE, the love for life, the love for LOVE, the LOVE for something eternal. That’s why we create. All we do is to express by our own emotion, feelings, and vision to show the world we live in. So everything is personal. Everything is subjective. The world ONLY exists in our own dreams. The world lies within.
The art that artists create is the source of happiness. And I must fulfill my destiny, which is to work with you, to create something eternal, to create a world never existed before, to stir, to awake, to influence, and to make them think, feel, and want to discover more about themselves.
Anyhow, this is a journey filled with creativity and adventure. I’m very excited to work with you. The artists who can show the darkness of human conditions actually are the most spiritual people. The spirit resides in every element of life, it’s in everything and everyone. It’s the source of the universe.
I write novles/potery. I also draw. I am a published author in China. I have six books published, including three novels. ( Each film of yours is poetry. Like you said, the intuition makes them a whole. You speak your voice by the art of cinema, I speak from my words, hopefully my face too someday.) Anyhow, when I was a teenager, I started writing those dark beautiful dangerous novels.
I MUST BE TRUE to myself. And I am always being true to myself. I can betray my own country, but I can betray my own heart, it’s there, it’s vivid, it’s beating, it’s bleeding, it’s breathing, it’s singing, it’s expressing, it’s longing, it’s dreaming, like my own SOUL, it never LEAVES me.
I have the GREAT desire to act, to express. It’s there. The emotion is there, it will come out when it’s time to come out. Great sensitivity and intuition makes me a great actress. You don’t learn to Act, and you don’t even need to act…You just BE, whatever it is. You are creating, you are also LIVING. It’s great to live a thousand times in cinema, I mean performing different roles is A WILD dream, now it’s finally coming true.
I have so many emotions, I have 1000 faces, I MUST find the right way to let it go, and I know you are the right filmmaker to work with. I moved to Hollywood from China to pursue my acting career, and I must work with you. I know you will understand where I'm coming from, YOU will understand my pain, and my happiness too.
You said Vincent Van Gogh would be a much better artist if he was not restricted by his suffering. I absolutely agree with you. Painting provided him the way to find his own happiness, which he found himself. You don’t have to suffer to show the suffering.
I write, I draw, I dance, I JUST BE. Sometime I want to try painting, sometime, I want to use colors to express, sometime when I was sitting in a corner of a street, such as a bus station, I had this vision about the diminished blue-yellow, actually greenish yellow sitting right in front of me, in a sunny afternoon, or hanging in a cloudy sky. The buses are passing by, and all the cars, I was sitting in the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica, alone, and this greenish yellow gives me comfort and, yes, strength. I see a shining face looking at me down to my knee, and I realized it is YOU. I realized how profound it is, so I cry, and those Mercedes passing me by…with ironic eye.
I don’t have to show my pain in a stupid way, but I do have the pain. When I see the yellow sun diminished in the water-green color which would fit my whole Canvas, I’m satisfied, satisfied like my own KING.
So when I sit in the corner of Sunset and Santa Monica in a lucid Sunday afternoon, I think about the sun with the subtle yellowish green hanging over the afternoon sky, diminished, and I’m satisfied.
Anyhow, I am just like you, trying to express myself in different ways. By the way, I love your art work too, your paintings and your drawings. I’m
amazed what a fine artist you are. BE true to yourself, that’s what ALL it is.
Now I want to expand my horizon so I can explore how far down the rabbit hole I can go. That’s why I moved to Hollywood from China to act. I must follow my heart, and create whatever my heart desires. And your PURITY about art-making moved me. In this modern world, NOT many TRUE artists left.
That’s the whole reason why I’m here. You are the ONLY one in Hollywood I want to work with, so what the hell, I might as well introduce myself. The connection is there, if you believe in something 100%, it is YOURS.
And I what to express myself in acting: whatever inside of me: The anxiety, the fear, the fragility as a human being to exist in this modern world, yes, the complexity of a human being.....The mystery, the dream, the surreal reality, you name it, I don’t know, all I know is nothing is impossible, in a free world of imagination, there is no limitation.
It's not easy to live as a human, but the creativity gives us the chance to explore, to make something larger and meaningful, and the question is: how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go.
I MUST work with you. I have no choice. To not to waste my wild passion and talent, I MUST work with you. I feel deeply connected with YOU.
If you do not want to take me as a stranger, I'm a friend of Mark Savage. He worked on the distribution of your latest film: INLAND EMPIRE.
I also went to your speech two years ago at USC about consciousness and creativity.
I am a meditator myself. Yes, ideas flow when you are in tuned with this universe, when you're in BLISS. The infinite creativity just resides inside of me, and you are the ONE going to be the bridge, and you will provide the right outlet for me, so I can live my life at its best in the most creative way. So I can fulfill my dreams and my own destiny.
I understand the suffering, but I am NOT suffering myself. The deep peace and love inside of me provides me the infinite sea so I can just dive right in. That’s my source, and it never left me, it’s always INSIDE of me.
I can’t wait to show you some of my drawings. I think you would like it.
I’ve also read your book, “Catching the Big Fish.” And I loved every word of it.
David, You are Not only A PURE Artist, but also a Pure BEING. I look forward to working with you. Let’s sit down and talk.
LOVE, PEACE
Niki Yan
323-464-0418
NikiYan@sbcglobal.net
"There is NO way to happiness. Happiness is the WAY."
"In the perception of the smallest is the secret of clear vision; in the guarding of the weakest is the secret of all strength."
-- Lao Tzu
( I called David's agency, which is CAA ( Creative Artists Agency), they told me to send the letter by MAIL, so I did.)
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Body, Mind, Spirit ---What I know for sure
A lot of people asks me the tips to be happy and healthy, I told them it's nothing to do with what you eat, or how much money you make. It's to do with your MIND and your thoughts. The question is: are you feeling good about yourself, and are you enjoying this moment?
Peace of MIND is everything. If you're living in the present moment, you are dedicated yourself to the eternal. Time and space disappear and you are living in the now, and you are LIVING in the flow. The Chinese ancient philosopher Lao Tzu had said two thousands years ago: “The way to live is the way to BE. Do everything by doing nothing.”
If you let your body, mind in tune with this UNIVERSE, the natural force that created ALL, and RULES all, you must live with the flow and embrace with life moment by moment, no matter it's good or bad, just simply accept
What it is and you're full-filling your destiny, and living your life at its BEST.
The Universe intelligence is beating in your heart. The infinite light and healing energy is ALWAYS WITH YOU. And You are the GOD. The God is within you. You are the master of your own creativity. The question is: How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?
Peace of MIND is everything. If you're living in the present moment, you are dedicated yourself to the eternal. Time and space disappear and you are living in the now, and you are LIVING in the flow. The Chinese ancient philosopher Lao Tzu had said two thousands years ago: “The way to live is the way to BE. Do everything by doing nothing.”
If you let your body, mind in tune with this UNIVERSE, the natural force that created ALL, and RULES all, you must live with the flow and embrace with life moment by moment, no matter it's good or bad, just simply accept
What it is and you're full-filling your destiny, and living your life at its BEST.
The Universe intelligence is beating in your heart. The infinite light and healing energy is ALWAYS WITH YOU. And You are the GOD. The God is within you. You are the master of your own creativity. The question is: How far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Want to change the world
Today someone asked me the message I'm trying to send in my book, I said : LOVE, DREAM, and HOPE. Then he asked me what is the purpose of this book, I said
"CHANGE THE WORLD."
"CHANGE THE WORLD."
Monday, September 17, 2007
I can't see
I can't hear
I can't touch
I can't feel
I can't run
I can't walk
I can't breath
I can't eat
I can't sleep
IS this the suffering of an artist?
Or just me?
Or just me...in the middle of the night wake up &
CRY?
I can't touch
I can't feel
I can't run
I can't walk
I can't breath
I can't eat
I can't sleep
IS this the suffering of an artist?
Or just me?
Or just me...in the middle of the night wake up &
CRY?
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
For the Sake of Cruise?
or for the sake of Jesus?
or Buddha?
Or Mother earth?
For the sake of my own dream and desire.....?
I don't know.
ALL I know is Tom Cruise hasn't called. And I can't rely on him no more.
It was ONLY an illusion, it's pretty from the distance, but once you get close, it dissapears. without warning....
BUT , I still want everyone pursue their dreams....I don't believe in Jesus, I don't belive in Tom Cruise, all I believe is myself, and my own destiny.
Niki ( Cruise?) Yan?
oh boy,Niki, shut up.. for god's sake
or Buddha?
Or Mother earth?
For the sake of my own dream and desire.....?
I don't know.
ALL I know is Tom Cruise hasn't called. And I can't rely on him no more.
It was ONLY an illusion, it's pretty from the distance, but once you get close, it dissapears. without warning....
BUT , I still want everyone pursue their dreams....I don't believe in Jesus, I don't belive in Tom Cruise, all I believe is myself, and my own destiny.
Niki ( Cruise?) Yan?
oh boy,Niki, shut up.. for god's sake
DayDreaming
I've been daydreaming..I'm daydreaming...I just can't wake up...but i love my dream...it's beautiful...it fills with expectation, but when you wake up you realize ur stupid, cause u r not the princess, ur the Cinderella....and u will never have the chance to walk in the palace
SO I am the Cinderella....& im dreaming about my own palace...what a dream...
That's why I call it day dream....full of creativity and talent but no chance
I call it destiny
u can argue with me
life is a mystery
I thought I know my fate..but still
I ALWAYS want my dream come true
I visualize every night before I go to bed
a Day dream could be a nightmare
but I want it grow to a tree..to the
UNIVERSE.
SO I am the Cinderella....& im dreaming about my own palace...what a dream...
That's why I call it day dream....full of creativity and talent but no chance
I call it destiny
u can argue with me
life is a mystery
I thought I know my fate..but still
I ALWAYS want my dream come true
I visualize every night before I go to bed
a Day dream could be a nightmare
but I want it grow to a tree..to the
UNIVERSE.
Friday, September 14, 2007
I
I walked around today...I felt good, then I came home....the cold wall is nothing but a image...and I know I am all alone
--I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the ONLY one
--I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the ONLY one
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
In the Mood for LOVE ( I use to.....)
I used to smile like an angel
I used to walk like I have nothing to hide
I used to love like I was never been hurt
I used to ride buses, & count the flowers on the ground
I used to light up the candles & kiss him on the face
I used to make love to him like an angel
I used to punch him on the face like a mean girl
I used to cry,
I used to laugh,
now all the old days are all gone
& I am all alone....
I don't have friends, & I don't have Mr. Right.
I sighed alone in the dark like a child lost her sight
I used to write I used to paint
I used to be a movie star
I used to dance like Britney Spears.
now all the old days are all gone
im all alone
I yelled his name
I pointed the finger to the west
yes, I was looking for a voice
I was looking for his face
I was looking for his past
I was looking for my own tears
I used to be like a little girl
I used to pick up the flowers on the ground
now I'm old,
Im too old to live too young to die
im living on the edge of my life
I know no one would save me
cause everyone is in the same boat
I feel so helpless I feel so hopeless
I don't have any choice
I used to cook I used to eat
I used to dance on the beach
I used to be a queen in my own sense
I used to wear pretty cloths
I used to wear jewelries
now the old days are all gone
I look dirty & skinny
my mom told me I'm dying....
I lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks
I looked at the mirror & could not recognize myself
I used to have a dream I used to be so positive & wanted to conquer
the whole world now I'm sitting outside of the target
like a bum, like an outsider, like the last person on earth who lost the heart
I feel so lonely I want to cry but I can't
I have no tears.
Yes,
I used to cry, I used to laugh....like a baby
now I'm numb like a rock I wish my day is not far
I used to cook him scramble eggs
I used to make his bed
I used to water his flowers
I used to kiss him on the face
I used to buy him flowers & chocolates
I used to be happy, painfully
now all the old days are all gone, I can finally relax
I can go back to China
the place i am original from
I can wash my face & feet
take a bow
make a pray
I would say : God, please do not send me back to America......
God smiled at me & grinned, he said " Little girl, you have no idea what u r talking about..this is your destiny & you have to follow it...."
so I had no choice,
I came back again
I came back like a bum...
the movie star's dream was sent to the trash....
I felt like a queen
I lived like a bum
my own self-esteem hurt me so bad I did not even want to live
I met this guy called G.V. he said " poor girl you are truly a bitch..."
I thought he was joking, but he wasn't...
he gave me the finger & punched me in the face...
there was blood came from my nose...
I cried, first time like an adult....
he was the one I was married, he was the one I cheated.....
but u know he cheated on me first...all I did was revenge......
I don't believe nothing I don't believe nobody
human stain will never go away...
Now I just live in my own world, half dead half alive you tell me
life is not easy.....I don't complain....it is what it is,
no matter I like it or not, I have to accept it.....
I used to walk like I have nothing to hide
I used to love like I was never been hurt
I used to ride buses, & count the flowers on the ground
I used to light up the candles & kiss him on the face
I used to make love to him like an angel
I used to punch him on the face like a mean girl
I used to cry,
I used to laugh,
now all the old days are all gone
& I am all alone....
I don't have friends, & I don't have Mr. Right.
I sighed alone in the dark like a child lost her sight
I used to write I used to paint
I used to be a movie star
I used to dance like Britney Spears.
now all the old days are all gone
im all alone
I yelled his name
I pointed the finger to the west
yes, I was looking for a voice
I was looking for his face
I was looking for his past
I was looking for my own tears
I used to be like a little girl
I used to pick up the flowers on the ground
now I'm old,
Im too old to live too young to die
im living on the edge of my life
I know no one would save me
cause everyone is in the same boat
I feel so helpless I feel so hopeless
I don't have any choice
I used to cook I used to eat
I used to dance on the beach
I used to be a queen in my own sense
I used to wear pretty cloths
I used to wear jewelries
now the old days are all gone
I look dirty & skinny
my mom told me I'm dying....
I lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks
I looked at the mirror & could not recognize myself
I used to have a dream I used to be so positive & wanted to conquer
the whole world now I'm sitting outside of the target
like a bum, like an outsider, like the last person on earth who lost the heart
I feel so lonely I want to cry but I can't
I have no tears.
Yes,
I used to cry, I used to laugh....like a baby
now I'm numb like a rock I wish my day is not far
I used to cook him scramble eggs
I used to make his bed
I used to water his flowers
I used to kiss him on the face
I used to buy him flowers & chocolates
I used to be happy, painfully
now all the old days are all gone, I can finally relax
I can go back to China
the place i am original from
I can wash my face & feet
take a bow
make a pray
I would say : God, please do not send me back to America......
God smiled at me & grinned, he said " Little girl, you have no idea what u r talking about..this is your destiny & you have to follow it...."
so I had no choice,
I came back again
I came back like a bum...
the movie star's dream was sent to the trash....
I felt like a queen
I lived like a bum
my own self-esteem hurt me so bad I did not even want to live
I met this guy called G.V. he said " poor girl you are truly a bitch..."
I thought he was joking, but he wasn't...
he gave me the finger & punched me in the face...
there was blood came from my nose...
I cried, first time like an adult....
he was the one I was married, he was the one I cheated.....
but u know he cheated on me first...all I did was revenge......
I don't believe nothing I don't believe nobody
human stain will never go away...
Now I just live in my own world, half dead half alive you tell me
life is not easy.....I don't complain....it is what it is,
no matter I like it or not, I have to accept it.....
A gentle touch of LOVE
I'm suffering...
AM I?
I am dreaming...
AM I?
But I saw this gentle love around my arm...
I feel angel watching me sleep
AM I dreaming?
Am I suffering?
I feel LOVE dancing all over my Apt.
in Hollywood.
AM I?
I am dreaming...
AM I?
But I saw this gentle love around my arm...
I feel angel watching me sleep
AM I dreaming?
Am I suffering?
I feel LOVE dancing all over my Apt.
in Hollywood.
A Life Journey...& the Jail of Los Angeles
just talked to my gf in China. She just walked from Beijing to Inner Mogolia with 5 other people...800 miles...they did in 7 days....Walk, enjoy, life......
what a journey..her 5 years old daughter walked with them....
just have a bagpack, some money, be spontaneous, or just walking...breathe the fresh air...and life's dancing and passing under her feet, God im jealous...im living in the jail of los angeles; and
I've not got my rent paid...not to mention my credit card bills...
I envy her...she has a rich husband, so she can do whatever she wants..I can't
I have no nobody, and my parents only make those lousy money can only feed them
I wish I had the freedom to do whatever I want...Cause
I have a lot of dreams...
just a thought.
I'm in America..starving, and she is happy in China;
Not sure why I came to this country at first place..for the sake of Cruise? or this is my destiny?
The rice in my pot would not last long, next time if you guys see me on the street, don't forget to say hi
and
bring me a goddam cheap hamburg..so I can keep writing this goddamn blog!
I bet Tom Cruise would help me if he knew my situation; everyone speads my words please
I was thinking about my two screen plays I am working on....I was very excited whe I was just thinking about the story, and Tom star in it....the dream will come true, it ONLY takes some time, and I must be patient...first I have to get this goddam book done first...have been working on it for two years...now 500 pages...still polishing and adding more things interesting...but ...I MUST have the patience..all the hard work will be paid off...everyone here pray for me so I can get everything done on time...cause I need to send some goddam money to my parents too, God I love them...my mom is very cute...they are my best friends...without their unconditional love I can't shine....
God bless you all, I LOVE YOU....remember, what is that you want to do ? and what is the most important thing in your life? for me, it's my family and my DREAM
what a journey..her 5 years old daughter walked with them....
just have a bagpack, some money, be spontaneous, or just walking...breathe the fresh air...and life's dancing and passing under her feet, God im jealous...im living in the jail of los angeles; and
I've not got my rent paid...not to mention my credit card bills...
I envy her...she has a rich husband, so she can do whatever she wants..I can't
I have no nobody, and my parents only make those lousy money can only feed them
I wish I had the freedom to do whatever I want...Cause
I have a lot of dreams...
just a thought.
I'm in America..starving, and she is happy in China;
Not sure why I came to this country at first place..for the sake of Cruise? or this is my destiny?
The rice in my pot would not last long, next time if you guys see me on the street, don't forget to say hi
and
bring me a goddam cheap hamburg..so I can keep writing this goddamn blog!
I bet Tom Cruise would help me if he knew my situation; everyone speads my words please
I was thinking about my two screen plays I am working on....I was very excited whe I was just thinking about the story, and Tom star in it....the dream will come true, it ONLY takes some time, and I must be patient...first I have to get this goddam book done first...have been working on it for two years...now 500 pages...still polishing and adding more things interesting...but ...I MUST have the patience..all the hard work will be paid off...everyone here pray for me so I can get everything done on time...cause I need to send some goddam money to my parents too, God I love them...my mom is very cute...they are my best friends...without their unconditional love I can't shine....
God bless you all, I LOVE YOU....remember, what is that you want to do ? and what is the most important thing in your life? for me, it's my family and my DREAM
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Just talked to my mom & dad...
I feel better now...
even though I don't know what's going to happen for me tomorrow...
Rent unpaid for two months....bills....food....I don't even haev 1$
But I'm in peace....
Today, I chanted...I know I MUST follow my heart and commited to my pwn path....
I don't know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, but I know I will be OK.
GOD is with me. God is always listening. this is my destiny. and everyting will turn all around.
AMen.
even though I don't know what's going to happen for me tomorrow...
Rent unpaid for two months....bills....food....I don't even haev 1$
But I'm in peace....
Today, I chanted...I know I MUST follow my heart and commited to my pwn path....
I don't know what's going to happen to me tomorrow, but I know I will be OK.
GOD is with me. God is always listening. this is my destiny. and everyting will turn all around.
AMen.
Everyone
welcome to email me : NikiYan@sbcglobal.net
or call me 323-464-0418...I feel like talking to someone NEW
You can also go to my youtube page:
http://www.youtube.com/NikiYan007
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
or call me 323-464-0418...I feel like talking to someone NEW
You can also go to my youtube page:
http://www.youtube.com/NikiYan007
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
CHINA GIRL
I'm listening David Bowie's China girl.....every guy I was with loves this song.....My love life is deeply connected with this song....of course they can't listen to the song no more, the China girl finally gone from their life
she is living in her own memory and expetation, but I am
listening to it
NOW
Shiiiiiiiii, baby, just shut your mouth..........
Wonder what Tom Cruise thinks about this song...whenever he listens to this song, he thinks about his little China girl?
she is living in her own memory and expetation, but I am
listening to it
NOW
Shiiiiiiiii, baby, just shut your mouth..........
Wonder what Tom Cruise thinks about this song...whenever he listens to this song, he thinks about his little China girl?
Monday, September 10, 2007
Listen to this music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4GdI76ekio
It makes you fly.......high
above the sky
you don't need to understand her words, just close ur eyes.
It makes you fly.......high
above the sky
you don't need to understand her words, just close ur eyes.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Miracle is happening....................
The light is finally coming through the darkness....
Thank God,
Thank Life,
Thank TOM,
Thank the inifnite universe, and the postive energy around us....
I LOVE YOU ALL
Thank you, for the miracle.
Thank you, LIFE.
Thank God,
Thank Life,
Thank TOM,
Thank the inifnite universe, and the postive energy around us....
I LOVE YOU ALL
Thank you, for the miracle.
Thank you, LIFE.
Tom, Send me some money
It has been 10 days since I sent out my books to Tom.
I hope he calls me and let me know he received them, I spent my last $20 on mailing
them internationally from LA to Germany.
Tom, I'm desperate; I'm starving, send me some money so I can get my rent paid, otherwise I will have to move to ur garage!
Everybody pass my word, please, whoever sees Tom, let him know I'm here RIGHT waiting.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Tom Cruise , Call Niki!
God, I love someone like Mark, look at this:
http://xenutv.wordpress.com/2007/09/07/tom-cruise-call-niki/
They are truly doing something incredible for our planet, they are doing a favor for me and Tom Cruise
http://xenutv.wordpress.com/2007/09/07/tom-cruise-call-niki/
They are truly doing something incredible for our planet, they are doing a favor for me and Tom Cruise
Dear Tom:
not sure if Tom has received the books I sent to him, it has been over a week, I sent to his hotel in Berlin....he is shooting a film,,,. I hope at least he can give me a buzz after receive it....I sent him three books of mine which were all publsihed in China: One fiction; one Poetry Collection; and one essay Collection.
All in Chinese. Let me copy the letter I sent to Tom:
8/28/2007 Re: A Chinese Writer’s intention ATTEN: TOM CRUISE
Dear Tom:
You invited me to the M:I:3 set on 10/13/2005. I’m the writer from China. I forgot to give you my six books published in China. Now I’ve enclosed three of them with this mail. ( One novel, one essay collection, and one poetry collection) I do have three other books, but I don’t have copies no more. All these books were written when I was a teenager.
In the last two years, I have been working on my Tom Cruise book( My first book in English). It’s now around 500 pages, it’s very different from the original version I gave to you.
I want you fund my book. This book will be an international bestseller. Also, this book is very good material for a film project. We all want to change the world, we are changing the world. And my book is a great example.
I'm also working on a screenplay; it's a little different from the one I gave to you. Personally I think you should do some "smaller" movies...like mine....a low-buget with substance...and you will have your second boom in life; cause this movie will move the whole world...of course I will star in it with you, otherwise the script will NOT be sold. Think about it, and let me know. The world is upon our shouder. Tom.
I look forward working with you!
Your favorite Chinese girl:
Niki Yan
Hollywood, CA, USA
All in Chinese. Let me copy the letter I sent to Tom:
8/28/2007 Re: A Chinese Writer’s intention ATTEN: TOM CRUISE
Dear Tom:
You invited me to the M:I:3 set on 10/13/2005. I’m the writer from China. I forgot to give you my six books published in China. Now I’ve enclosed three of them with this mail. ( One novel, one essay collection, and one poetry collection) I do have three other books, but I don’t have copies no more. All these books were written when I was a teenager.
In the last two years, I have been working on my Tom Cruise book( My first book in English). It’s now around 500 pages, it’s very different from the original version I gave to you.
I want you fund my book. This book will be an international bestseller. Also, this book is very good material for a film project. We all want to change the world, we are changing the world. And my book is a great example.
I'm also working on a screenplay; it's a little different from the one I gave to you. Personally I think you should do some "smaller" movies...like mine....a low-buget with substance...and you will have your second boom in life; cause this movie will move the whole world...of course I will star in it with you, otherwise the script will NOT be sold. Think about it, and let me know. The world is upon our shouder. Tom.
I look forward working with you!
Your favorite Chinese girl:
Niki Yan
Hollywood, CA, USA
Friday, September 7, 2007
What is my book about?
Title: “ MY LOVE FOR YOU, TOM CRUISE --- A Desperate Chinese girl’s Confession.
What is this book about:
A Small village of China.
The Big dream of America
In between,
IS Tom Cruise.
This book is about a Chinese girl’s American dream. Niki Yan, the poor village girl from China saw Top Gun by chance when she was nine years old. And she was inspired by the movie, so she must get out of the village to pursue her own dream: writing and acting. Tom Cruise played such an important role to make this girl get out of her own life which was limited and insolated by a poor village. And it was not easy.
She was the rebel; and she must fulfill her own destiny.
After years of struggling, finally she came to America. In a new country, in a new city, she was lost, she was scared, she was despaired from time to time. But she must face the reality, she must continue to pursue her dreams.
She had all the courage and talent, but her life in Hollywood was filled with loneliness, confusion, struggling, and yes, financial crisis. And she did what she could to make her dream come true as a writer and actress. She started writing her first book in English so she could tell the world her story.
And the chance finally came, Tom Cruise read an article about her story and her book. So he invited her to the set of M:I:3. So, the poor little girl from China finally met her hero, her role model, “ the invisible and the beautiful “ Hollywood superstar—Tom Cruise, yes, her dream guy, the guy she had been dreaming since she was nine years old.
So what happened after she met Tom Cruise? What she gained and what she lost? What did she really want? This is a true Hollywood story. Her up-down life in Hollywood is truly original and inspirational.
You may never experienced what she experienced. But you definitely had a dream like she did.
Her passion, her dream, her love, were all part of this life time journey and yes, MISSION. She must complete her mission and fill her destiny and, she must fight for her own spirit.
She followed her heart. And she learned what she couldn’t in a classroom. This powerful winding road journey changed her life from inside and out. And it may change yours too. This young woman’s story is unforgettable and original. It’s for everyone who ever dreamed.
What is this book about:
A Small village of China.
The Big dream of America
In between,
IS Tom Cruise.
This book is about a Chinese girl’s American dream. Niki Yan, the poor village girl from China saw Top Gun by chance when she was nine years old. And she was inspired by the movie, so she must get out of the village to pursue her own dream: writing and acting. Tom Cruise played such an important role to make this girl get out of her own life which was limited and insolated by a poor village. And it was not easy.
She was the rebel; and she must fulfill her own destiny.
After years of struggling, finally she came to America. In a new country, in a new city, she was lost, she was scared, she was despaired from time to time. But she must face the reality, she must continue to pursue her dreams.
She had all the courage and talent, but her life in Hollywood was filled with loneliness, confusion, struggling, and yes, financial crisis. And she did what she could to make her dream come true as a writer and actress. She started writing her first book in English so she could tell the world her story.
And the chance finally came, Tom Cruise read an article about her story and her book. So he invited her to the set of M:I:3. So, the poor little girl from China finally met her hero, her role model, “ the invisible and the beautiful “ Hollywood superstar—Tom Cruise, yes, her dream guy, the guy she had been dreaming since she was nine years old.
So what happened after she met Tom Cruise? What she gained and what she lost? What did she really want? This is a true Hollywood story. Her up-down life in Hollywood is truly original and inspirational.
You may never experienced what she experienced. But you definitely had a dream like she did.
Her passion, her dream, her love, were all part of this life time journey and yes, MISSION. She must complete her mission and fill her destiny and, she must fight for her own spirit.
She followed her heart. And she learned what she couldn’t in a classroom. This powerful winding road journey changed her life from inside and out. And it may change yours too. This young woman’s story is unforgettable and original. It’s for everyone who ever dreamed.
DO what you LOVE.
and LOVE what you do. Don't waste one moment on things what you don't want to do...we got very little time here; we are here to make a life; not a living. Follow your heart; the miracle will reveal to you
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Need financial support
I'm broke...I'm Not surviving...I'm starving...
anyone who can help me please contact me...
so I can finish my book. I'm also looking for somebody fund my book.
Call me if you like,
Niki
323-464-0418
anyone who can help me please contact me...
so I can finish my book. I'm also looking for somebody fund my book.
Call me if you like,
Niki
323-464-0418
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Niki Yan 和 汤姆.克鲁斯（转载）
刚刚在新浪上看了《谍中谍3》上海发布会。可能是由于时间的关系，主持人漏译了汤姆.克鲁斯的几句话，即：《谍中谍3》的首部预告片已经制作完成。等到《金刚》在影院上映的时候，这部预告片会在正片放映前的广告时间出现。
另外，当一个内地的女记者问汤姆.克鲁斯是否在美国拍摄《谍中谍3》的时候认识了一个忠实的中国女影迷时，主持人马上以提问必须和影片拍摄有关为由打断了她。其实如果这位女记者能用英语来发问，汤姆.克鲁斯可以马上回答。因为还确有其事。就在汤姆.克鲁斯来中国前，他在美国的片场认识了一位叫 Niki Yan 的忠实的中国女影迷。Niki Yan 刚刚从中国来美国寻找她的梦想，而汤姆.克鲁斯一直是她的精神动力。这件事被美国媒体广泛报导过。
最令人遗憾的是在发布会的末尾，在汤姆.克鲁斯点了一位刚举过手的记者后，主持人竟用发布会结束为由打断了这最后一个提问。汤姆.克鲁斯和导演相互笑了笑，觉得不可思议。
http://bbs.btbbt.com/thread-839109-1-1.html
另外，当一个内地的女记者问汤姆.克鲁斯是否在美国拍摄《谍中谍3》的时候认识了一个忠实的中国女影迷时，主持人马上以提问必须和影片拍摄有关为由打断了她。其实如果这位女记者能用英语来发问，汤姆.克鲁斯可以马上回答。因为还确有其事。就在汤姆.克鲁斯来中国前，他在美国的片场认识了一位叫 Niki Yan 的忠实的中国女影迷。Niki Yan 刚刚从中国来美国寻找她的梦想，而汤姆.克鲁斯一直是她的精神动力。这件事被美国媒体广泛报导过。
最令人遗憾的是在发布会的末尾，在汤姆.克鲁斯点了一位刚举过手的记者后，主持人竟用发布会结束为由打断了这最后一个提问。汤姆.克鲁斯和导演相互笑了笑，觉得不可思议。
http://bbs.btbbt.com/thread-839109-1-1.html
天下的乌鸦一般黑 （给汤姆克鲁斯）
天下的乌鸦一般黑
面朝大海
春暖，但花不开
太阳它在为你亮着，晚风也在为你吹着
你好像并不为此而快乐，好像也并不想说些什么
你也许有你的难处。也许只是我的猜度
也许将要注定是一种，一种不安的幸福
面朝大海
春暖，但花不开
太阳它在为你亮着，晚风也在为你吹着
你好像并不为此而快乐，好像也并不想说些什么
你也许有你的难处。也许只是我的猜度
也许将要注定是一种，一种不安的幸福
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
Ｉ Pray god for this....
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
小汤，给我打电话吧！。。。。。。。。。。
Ｉ Pray god for this....
Tom, Call me ( or I will live in my destiny? )
I have a lot of things to say to you; I have a lot of love, and hope....
You are the man going to save me from the prison of life...
****
The ice cold tea sitting on my desk,
But I don't want to drink
Tom's smile is in my mind
but I saw the wall is solid in my apt...
who is going to save me?
Who?
The rent hasn't paid,
the bank acct is like a black hole..
I wrote my book, yes,
I live my life
I sing, I dance
I fly high in the sky
But when I fell down to the ground
I saw my blood
maybe Tom would save me maybe he doesn't
and I will live in my own destiny
You are the man going to save me from the prison of life...
****
The ice cold tea sitting on my desk,
But I don't want to drink
Tom's smile is in my mind
but I saw the wall is solid in my apt...
who is going to save me?
Who?
The rent hasn't paid,
the bank acct is like a black hole..
I wrote my book, yes,
I live my life
I sing, I dance
I fly high in the sky
But when I fell down to the ground
I saw my blood
maybe Tom would save me maybe he doesn't
and I will live in my own destiny
Where are you, TOM?
the pain flying in my stomach
the child's dream
the last hope
final fantasy
and who said it?
Where are you Tom?
you smiled me like you never did
you held me like you
were in
love
But who did it?
maybe you have too much fear
maybe tomorrow I will see you
in
Hollywood
Monday, September 3, 2007
Saturday, September 1, 2007
A life without Fame-- Don't cry for me, Los Angeles
I'm doing exactly what I want to do; I'm doing exactly what makes me happy...the rest MUST follow....money, fame....I mean I just want to be who I am; I must be who I am, and I am NOT afraid to be who I'm.....
The jouney is still on, I am still walking on it; living in my dream, and make something happen, I believe all the heart, passion, tears will be paid off...even Tom Cruise don't know, even the world don't know...even...my parents or my friends....
ALWAYS pursue your dreams, no matter it's great or small, it's worthy it...well-worthy it
Tom Cruise's favorite Chinese girl
even my grandma starts asking me: " Niki, are you Tom Cruise's favorite Chinese gilr?" God, she drives me nuts!
http://www.frogstylebiscuit.com/archive/archive-135.shtml
http://www.frogstylebiscuit.com/archive/archive-135.shtml
Marry Tom Cruise in 30days.
this is a pic, I put on my old website, the website is now gone....
It was called: " MarryTomCruisein30days"
I deleted that website after I met Tom. I just don't want Tom think I'm Crazy, even though I'm, but in an intelligent way...anyway, the funny thing is Tom's people hired someone to investigate me; and the most famous Hollywood celebrity investigator asked me if I'm really planning to marry Tom Cruise....in 30 days. They were so scared, they think I will take Tom away...Tom must NOT know this, otherwise, he would fire all these people; dumn ass shit....anyhow, as far as Niki Yan, or Niki Cruise, she was Pathetic anyway, look at this:
"Website of Niki Cruise: This Tom Cruise fansite was created by Niki Yan (who changed her name to Niki Cruise), the author of My Love for You, Tom Cruise -- A Desparate Chinese Girl's Confession. Self-described as "Tom Cruise’s favorite Chinese girl ever!", Niki apparently got to meet Cruise. This is frightening since her website includes statements like "if things don’t work out with Katie, I would be here to clean up your mess. If I don’t get to marry you this life, I will make sure I marry you next life (when we both become cats of course)." She also states that she is the perfect Mrs. Cruise because she is "pathetic" and she buys her "China girl underwears in K-mart." Regardless of whether this is serious or not, it's awesome. You can even call her."
--http://poplicks.com/2005/11/x-marks-dick-and-other-random-raves.html
http://www.womenlifestyle.com/entry/nikki-yan-a-die-hard-tom-cruise-fan/
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